Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
