she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
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