im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
