Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
