think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
