This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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