Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
