Well douche your snatch and let's go!
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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