On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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