I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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