just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
