Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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