i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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