Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Randomize
