did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just found puke in my bra..
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Randomize
