Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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