Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
