He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
