I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
