Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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