I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
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