Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
