I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
