Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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