You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
