You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
