My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
