True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
