Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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