You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
