are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
