Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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