I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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