ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
