I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
