I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
