I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
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