I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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