I'm jealous of your bromance
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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