Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
