That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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