Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
