Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
