FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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