Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
