you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
