please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
