I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
