He asked me if I "almost moaned"
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
