Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
